World AIDS Day 2009

The first observance of World AIDS Day was December 1st, 1988.  Just one year later, I was one of the millions of people who observed World AIDS Day as a person living with HIV.
It's hard to believe it's been 20 years; neither me nor my doctor expected I'd still be alive. When I was diagnosed HIV+ in 1989, AZT was the only antiretroviral treatment available.  There have been many effective medications developed over the years, but they didn't come soon enough for the others in my Support Group.
Our group met every Saturday, and as the weeks, months, and years went by, I watched the life drain out of my new-found friends.  Their viral loads increased while their CD4 counts decreased and their bodies wasted away.  By the time new medications were released, their immune systems were already too compromised to fight back.
Today was a great day in Kansas City; sunny; near 60 degrees.  I played golf.  While I enjoyed my good health and the beauty of the outdoors on this World AIDS Day, I thought about all my friends that I've lost to this terrible disease, especially dean, Jim, Tim, and Richard.

To Err is Human, To Sleep Divine

I was recently in a Chicago hotel room, unable to sleep, staring into the darkness that is 4am. Random thoughts ran through my mind like so many apps on an iPhone. You'd think many glasses of wine, a Bailey's, and 2 Rx sleeping pills would be antithetical to a long night of introspection. Au contraire mon fraire. That's when I do some of my best thinking. I just wish I could remember more of it the next day.
This night in question was particularly fruitful, however, because I was catching a plane that morning. I didn't wake up to the routine at home which doesn't often allow much room for thoughts from the night to carry over into the light of day. But on this Chicago morn', I grabbed the little notepad from the hotel room and while waiting in the airport, made notes on several topics that had filled my sleep void. I look forward to blogging about them in the days ahead.
The brain surgery caused my chronic insomnia. The good news is: my ability to sleep is much better than it used to be. The bad news: I have fewer episodes of insomniatic clarity.

The Naked Journal

Soon it will be 2 yrs since I began this process. Why haven't I posted more? As a sporadic journalist, I expected to be more consistent given the benefits of an electronic journal. I constantly edit and rewrite my thoughts; a messy process with pen and paper. The fingers on my right hand don't cramp up on a keyboard. I have an opinion on practically everything and have experienced countless events that I want to document. So is it just a matter of making the time? For me, it's more like justifying the time. But, there is a much larger stumbling block I've had to confront. The reality is, a journal can be tucked away until you are tucked away. You don't have to be present for the unveiling of all your thoughts and fears, opinions and slanders. I realized I quit blogging when the words I wanted to put in writing were not ones I wanted to share in the present. So I begin, again. But with spirits dampened by the realization that I'm not ready to strip naked for all to read.